I’m not one who is easily down, but right now I’m feeling rather down.

It’s no fault of anyone really, but it’s just upsetting that I have to be forced to make a choice. I know there it’s a conflict of interest to be an office bearer and a reporter, but in my current context, I really want to be able to do both.

I feel alot for the Observer, because the people there have the fire in the belly, and they are so idealistic. Idealists feed off other idealists, and that’s what I’ve been thriving on since Observer started. I was glad to be able to use my extensive knowledge and experience gained from student politics in NUS to help steer Observer into being a relevant newspaper for NUS students.

However, while I can report for the Observer and write highly insightful and critical pieces, there really is a limit to the maximum effect that can be achieved. It may cause commotion, and sometimes chaos, but it is unlikely to change things much. Maybe a really good piece can throw some badly managed organisations into complete chaos, but as I was reminded by someone, who is there to pick up the pieces, and who knows how to pick up the pieces?

The best chance of moving things forward for students is to go back into student politics and engineer changes from within. Granted, the chances are not exactly fantastic, but not going in means no chance of changing things at all. However, to go in would mean that I am part of “them”. If I become part of “them” and be a reporter at the same time, it is unavoidable that some people would wag their tongues and cry conflict of interest.

Honestly, sometimes I really wonder why is it that I know so much. And I wonder why isn’t there someone else to do the job. Best of all, I wonder why do I even care so much. Should I hate myself for being like this? I don’t know. I’m too tired to think.