I just came back from a relaxation trip in Krabi a couple of days back. After I came back, someone younger than me who knew I was going to marry soon came up to me and asked me why did I make the decision to marry so early. He revealed that he is too in a long term relationship and he asked me if I find being with the same person boring. He also asked me why am I committing so early. What is there is someone else better out there?

These are not new questions to me. He’s not the first person to ask, and I am quite sure that he won’t be the last. After all, I think it is quite rare these days for a young couple (who both have no previous relationship experiences) to stay together for almost 8 years and marry. For me, a relationship and marriage comes naturally but I don’t think that’s a very constructive answer.

I don’t think there’s a definite formula that can reliably determine when is the appropriate time to marry. All I can say is that when considering the option of marriage, one should honestly evaluate his/her satisfaction with the partner and think whether he/she can stand the idea of thinking of living under the same roof with that person for the next 50 years. I would say that as long as you are some 80% satisfied with your partner’s character and general behaviour, you are probably ready to get married.

I suspect for a number of people, one chief reason to why they don’t want to settle down early is because they are afraid that they will miss the chance of getting together with someone ‘better’. Honestly, this is the grass is better on the other side syndrome. What makes one so sure that one will miss the chance of getting together with another person who’s ‘better’? What exactly constitutes better anyway? What if it looks better at the beginning but turns out to be a nightmare at the end? There’s no guarantee that the next one will be better. It might be a wiser option to be happy with what one has. After all, as the saying goes, one bird in hand is worth two in the bush.

As for the question of whether it is boring to be together with someone for the next couple of decades, all I can say is that I don’t find it boring having to live with my parents for the past 25 years. At the end of the day, whether it is boring or not really depends on how much effort the couple makes to keep life interesting. When we were kids, our parents bring us on outings and celebrate special occasions with us. We can do the same with the family that we eventually form. I guess for some people, they don’t want to have to put in the effort and time to think and plan (which can be challenging, especially if you want to do something different each time) but it isn’t impossible.

As long as one is not in an abusive relationship, most of them have the potential of reaching marriage and beyond. It’s all a matter of how much one is willing to give and take at all levels, be it monetary, physically, emotionally and mentally. My own relationship might appear to be a fairytale for some people, but beneath the bed of roses are the hidden occasional thorns. They prick the relationship at times and makes it uncomfortable but it comes and goes. Just learn not to be too hung up over small issues. It’ll not only make a relationship better, it should make you a happier person in general.