Comments, opinions and an occasional ramble
Love, not violence
I was just reading this website that’s trying to raise awareness of dating violence (http://www.chooselovenotabuse.com/). This whole concept of dating violence, I must admit, is something that’s foreign to me, probably due to my idealistic views of a relationship. 
The first thought I had of what constitutes dating violence was physical violence, and as an afterthought, sexual violence. And yes, my immediate mental imagery was that of men as the abusers and women as the victims (looks like I’m not immune to gender stereotyping). Well, perhaps some women might abuse their partners physically, but I’m not quite sure about the sex part… Never mind.
Anyway, it turns out that emotional and psychological abuse are part of dating violence too. I don’t quite get what’s the difference between the two, though. Do our emotions not emerge from our brains as well? Why the different classification? Anyway, I’m digressing. The point here is that dating violence isn’t necessarily restricted to physical or sexual harm.
I don’t understand why would anyone resort to physical or sexual abuse of their partners. If you’re pissed off and need to take things out physically, go pummel a wall or sandbag. If you are not having enough sex, I’m sure there are better options other than forcing yourself on your partner. If you’re the one on the receiving end, I sure you wouldn’t enjoy the experience of being either physically or sexually abused (masochists excluded from my argument).
As for psychological/emotional violence, this is a little tricky. Being humans, we do get upset and say hurtful things or carry out actions that might wound our partners psychologically and emotionally. I am guilty of inflicting psychological/emotional hurt sometimes. I definitely need to continue working on that to be, in the words of Robbie Williams, a better man. But I guess the occasional outburst is pretty normal; it becomes dangerous only when the psychological/emotional hurting becomes pathological.
If you’ve been physically or sexually abused by your partner, I think it’s clearly time to seek help. As for psychological or emotional abuse, this is going to be a harder call. I don’t know where the line is drawn for non-physical forms of dating violence. I believe different people have different thresholds and definitions of psychological/emotional abuse. Nonetheless, it’s perhaps a good idea to read up a little on dating violence. You might never know when the information could come in handy. 
Anyway, for all of you who are attached or married, have a great Valentine’s Day. If you are in a long-distance relationship as I am now, I feel your pain. I’ve held out fine on my own for a few months but my walls are crumbling. When you are with someone for a long time, their absence is like having a heart or lung missing (not that I know what it feels like to be literally having a missing heart or lung; it’s a figure of speech).
So if you’re spending your Valentine’s Day this year with your significant other by your side, take a moment to cherish the fact that she’s with you now. Even though videoconferencing technology is cheap and easily accessible these days, it still remains a poor substitute. Nothing beats having your loved one by your side. Enjoy your Valentine’s Day while I stare into tonight’s sky wondering if my wife is looking at the same moon on the other side of the globe at the same time.
| Print article | This entry was posted by Aaron Ng on 14/02/2009 at 7:30 am, and is filed under Ramblings. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site. |
about 1 year ago
::::I don’t understand why would anyone resort to physical or sexual abuse of their partners::::
There was one employee in my company who had immense difficulty controlling his emotions, outburst and violent acts. It may be misconstrued that he is a bad violent person. However, the abuser might be a victim of mental illness that overrun his mental controls.
We sent him for therapy instead of sacking him.
When I spoke to him once about his condition, he said the actions of his colleagues can trigger a uncontrollable flood of thoughts and make his rage rocket and overrun his control system. It is hard for normal people to contemplate.
A jealous boyfriend that beats up his girlfriend because she spoke in a friendly manner with another guy – is obviously suffering from a mental illness. This is why it is a mistake for the girl to tolerate this and expect the guy to “change” because he expressed enormous regret later on….he is somehow wired with this violent response and need medical treatment.
about 1 year ago
Homey,
You are right. I overlooked people with mental illnesses. I wrote this entry from the perspective of a healthy and reasonable ‘average’ person in the street (whatever average is). Thanks for pointing it out.
However, the topic of mental illnesses is another one altogether. Some people might not even know they are afflicted, and even if they do, they might be in denial because of social pressures.