Jul 17th, 2007
No money, no honey?
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It is interesting to read the opinions of some Singaporean men what is the best way to woo women. This blogger, Orange Ox, who I found from Wishbone’s blog, says that to get a girlfriend or wife, all you need is money. Looks (and other things) don’t count. You can be a sweaty, stinking and dumb slob but if you are rich, girls will still flock to you like bees to honey (or flies to dung).
I don’t know how old (well, perhaps it is more accurate to question how mature) this guy is, but based on my own experience, I think he certainly has a very warped idea of relationships. Okay, I might not be qualified to call myself experienced in terms of the number of relationships I’ve been in (there’s only one, by the way), but from speaking to many of the fairer gender, what I gather is that money, while important, is seldom the main consideration for women.
If a lady is indeed interested in seeking a serious relationship, what is of greater importance is whether she gets a sense of security and fulfillment from being with the man. If you earn big bucks but are unable to provide the necessary emotional support, the woman will eventually leave. The previous sentence is not armchair philosophy. I know of cases like that. An investment banker friend who earns in US dollars and gets 18 months bonus a year lost the woman he loved because his work is too demanding and the woman felt he could not provide sufficient quality family time should they continue the relationship.
Besides, if money is the sole criterion for deciding whether to start a relationship, what then is the difference between having a girlfriend/wife and paying for a social escort/prostitute? And, I predict such relationships will be short-lived because everything in the relationship is calculated on the basis of economics. A woman who gets in a relationship for money will not forgo the opportunity cost of getting in a relationship with an even richer man if she finds one.
Therefore, if any man is reading this entry, please don’t follow the advice of the Orange Ox dude, unless you want to set yourself up for major heartbreaks all your life (or if you intend to be a playboy). It is far better for you to develop other qualities that most women value. How attractive a man is, in my opinion, depends on how scarce are the qualities (that are valued by women) he has relative to other men. Going by this logic, the key thing for men is to find out what are the qualities that women generally value in a boyfriend/husband.
Unfortunately, nobody has a perfect answer to the question of what are the qualities women value in men. I think that faithfulness, humour, wit, romance, self-sacrifice and being a good listener are some essential qualities. Money is of course important, but one doesn’t need to be Bill Gates or Warren Buffet. All you need is enough to give the quality of lifestyle that the woman desires. Different women have different expectations. If a man is able to meet the minimum material standards, what will get the woman will be the qualities I mentioned earlier.
Don’t believe in the crap of those who say that only money can get women. I think such people suffer from inferiority complex.
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How do long distance relationships fit in then? With regards to the spending quality time bit. Over the phone? Instant messaging?
[...] was triggered by this post to blog a post called “No money, no honey?” which is a topic that is very close to my heart. He ends the post by saying ‘Don’t [...]
Hi takchek,
That’s a good question. I remember when my fiancee was away in Switzerland for 4 months, we talked for quite abit over the phone. I had to buy calling cards because her room did not have internet access. If there was internet access, Skype would do the trick. The option of video conferencing is open if there is internet access as well, since webcams are really cheap these days.
Aside from long distance calls, video conferencing and MSN, there are other ways to keep the relationship alive. In this entry, I said that being a good listener is an essential quality. Watch for clues when having conversations. If the other party says, “Oh, I miss having ______ from home”, surprise him/her by sending a shipment of it over. I remember sending 2 shipments of local stuff over to Switzerland in that 4 months (I would have sent more if I could afford it then but I was only a poor student).
And, the internet makes it easy to send flowers and gifts overseas. Just find a retailer in the area where your significant other is and place an online order for flowers, chocolates or any other small surprises. Such thoughtfulness will be well-appreciated. It takes a little more creativity in a long distance relationship.
Aaron, can pvt msg these sort of details? You put in comments section damn spoil market.
Where got spoil market? I’m sharing my secret kungfu for the greater good of mankind (or womankind).
But not all of us got the qi to execute the kungfu.
My friend offered me the following words of wisdom;
” It will happen when it happens.”
“And, I predict such relationships will be short-lived because everything in the relationship is calculated on the basis of economics. ”
Maybe thats why the divorce rate seems to be rising?
It’s difficult to find Singaporean females who do not fall into this category:
http://thegreatsze.blogspot.com/2007/04/on-female-mediocrity.html
Aaron, what do you think? Thanks..
Michael,
There are plenty of truths in what that writer wrote. I am of the opinion that the general woman being “mediocre”, in the words of the author, are largely the result of men, who have, throughout human history, imposed certain set of expectations on women. I disagree that women quietly acquiesced though. I believe that men, being physically superior, probably forced their expectations on women.
I think at the end of the day, we should really look at the woman for who she is, and not what she is expected to do. We should also examine ourselves to see what is it that we need in a partner to complement us. So what if the girl of your dreams fit the expectations of society but does not fulfill your needs?
By the way, I happen to be available for chat via the little chatbox on the right of this blog, so you can catch me for a quick chat if you like.
I don’t mean to say that all Singaporean girls are like that, by the way. But since we are on this topic, I have some observations to share.
Many relationships are actually formed based on superficial qualities such as looks or, as you mentioned, money. Is this a serious problem, or just something that all youths do?
Aaron,
Thank you for this post. Despite my previous comments on your earlier post about equality in Singapore between men and women, I believe that you are one of the few good men in Singapore who generally try to be fair and intelligent in your attitudes towards women.
I am a woman (duh!) and I do consider myself largely materialistic. I am a total shopaholic and I do hanker after the good things in life - branded handbags, pretty jewellery and clothes etc. However, I love my fiance far more than any of those things and I will support him in whatever he does, even if he decides to quit his job and become a student again and this will ultimately mean that I will become the sole breadwinner of our small family unit after we get married.
I don’t think it’s true that Singaporean women will not get together with Singaporean men because of lack of money though. However, I definitely will not consider being in a relationship with someone who is lazy, has no drive (when I say drive, I don’t mean ambition or the drive to earn oodles of money, but the motivation to always make the best of life. He doesn’t have to be a CEO or some bigshot, but he must have the drive to live each day meaningfully and to the fullest) takes no satisfaction in their work, has no zest for life. The aforementioned traits are just completely at odds with my own values in life.
I will consider dating a poor artist/writer/insert-any-occupation who has passion for their work and their life as well. And I do believe that the same holds true for many Singaporean women.
Notwithstanding the above, I do think it’s true that people who possess the traits that I value (drive, motivation, passion for life) generally hold good jobs with stable incomes than people who are lazy, possess no drive and has no motivation.
I know that it is a generalisation, I am not stuck to it because I have seen many examples that buck the trend.
Now I believe any Singaporean man who takes a superficial glance at me will consider my sentiments materialistic and see me as another woman who affirms their conviction that Singaporean women are superficial and materialistic.
I don’t think it takes much to maintain a relationship. Personally, I don’t need extravagant gifts, lots of couple time, luxurious trips to keep me invested in a relationship. I say that for a lot of women out there as well - many of my girlfriends are like me. All we want is to know that our men care about us - a listening ear, the heartfelt hugs, a comforting hand, etc. It is really as simple as that.
Sorry Aaron, your Meebo rarely shows you online =( I use IM through the MSN protocol, though. It would be great to chat there instead.
Anyway, were you referring to SG women in the age range of 15-19, or not? A discussion about this can go very, very wrong if we are talking about two different groups of people. Thanks!
“…what then is the difference between having a girlfriend/wife and paying for a social escort/prostitute?”
That’s an easy one. A prostitute is cheaper!
Jokes aside I do admit that Singapore girls unlike most of their Western counterparts tend to be more materialistic. Most of them will think the guy as cheapskate if he refuses to pay or goes dutch on a date. But I think this has something to do with our pragmatic society that comes from having such a pragmatic gahmen.
Some women go for money, some women don’t. (Just as some men want docile, skeletal stupidity and some men don’t.) But your comments are right on the mark: who cares about what does attract the women who go for money? - because, really, why would you want them anyway? We form relationships with individual people, not categories of people; people should strive to fulfil their aspirations in terms of the kind of person they want to be regardless of what draws potential partners, and then look out for the handful who fit right for them, their values and sensibilities and emotional constitutions, rather than obsessing about being Mr. or Ms. Generically Attractive without even having developed one’s own priorities or sense of self first.
Well, I know of couples that got together for completely wrong reasons (from “our” perspective) - money, security, desperation, glamour etc. but whose relationships are still going strong after years of marriage. While some that were madly in love divorced only after a couple of years together.
Weird eh? ^_^
[...] was reading Aaron’s post on no money, no honey in response to people writing about materialistic Singapore [...]
I think the same goes to either gender.
If a old women got lots of money, she can get a man or even a young man. It’s just depends on the person if they that kind of person to think such way. Individual seeks different kind of relationship.
I think most of you guys have mis-interpreted my blog.
I never said in my blog that ‘only money can get women’ as stated in Aaron Ng’s blog. I also never mentioned that if you are not rich, you would not be able to attract girls.
I did mention that girls love money. And to get a girlfriend and wife, all you really need is lots of it. Right? Yes you can buy a wife from China, Vietnam, etc. Even if you intend to have a relationship with a Singaporean girl you will need lots of money for dating, marriage, having kids, buying a house.
Also, to answer Aaron’s question - I am 34yrs old, happily married to a wonderful lady for more than 8 years with 2 kids. My wife is not the flirty type and she knows how to save and spend wisely. She also loves money. A matter of fact…I also love money.
You might want to visit my other blog:
http://theorangeox.blogspot.com/2007/05/why-money-and-more-money.html
Simple, with money, the man stands a reasonable chance.
Without money, the man gotta lower his expectations.