‘Why would you want to ever disappoint?!’

‘Ah, my dear, that really depends…’

“There are many other people around worth my time being nice anc civil to them so there’s no need for me wasting my breath on those who obviously are incorrigible.”

Its a two way street.

Perhaps for most cases, it’s a two way street. I firmly believe that nobody deserves incivility, at least for most matters. Personally, I always operate on a motto of being civil unless I have been repeatedly subjected to incivility by the other party.

I would say that most people are generally nice and reciprocate civility with civility. Unfortunately, I’ve met people who don’t, and for such people, it seems to be part of their character.

I don’t know whether civility should be a normal expectation but I think it is nice if it is. Is it that difficult to say things nicely? I don’t think so. It might take some effort though, and some people perhaps don’t want to take that effort. Whatever the case is, I’m not too perturbed. For people who don’t understand civility, I will just ignore them. There are many other people around worth my time being nice and civil to them so there’s no need for me wasting my breath on those who obviously are incorrigible.

In the short time since starting work, I realize civility has nothing to do with expectation and everything to do with the pro-active role of cultivating and even encouraging it in others.

This is what people regularly fail to factor in when they speak about civility as if it’s a normal expectation, when of course, it isn’t i.e they fail to ask the really important question, like: what did you do to support the good will in the relationship?

Usually the answer is zero.

The sad part is when both sides no longer see the pay out in conforming to an agreed standard.

They also dont see the need to reach common group for the same reason / conformance vs deviant behavior pays out exactly the same! Neither does time heal either, infact it worsens things and eventually their respective positions hardens. The result is deep seated and chronic mistrust, where there is only one possible outcome, the survival of only one at the necessary cost of the demise of the other = the zero sum game.