This week is Chinese New Year week and the mad rush of spring cleaning (I know, I got a new flat and you must be wondering what is there to spring clean but I assure you, I did ALOT of cleaning) and other preparations for CNY have caused fatigue, both physically and mentally. So, I’m just going to ramble about what I consider a very interesting contradiction in life.

My brain’s anger fuse is weird. It’s unusually long for most people, except when it comes to immediate family. For some strange reason, I’m like a tinderbox with family. I lose my temper much more readily, either at them or in front of them.

My wife and I have talked about this before and we have wondered why we are usually so patient with others but less so with each other (she’ll probably say it’s just me and I shouldn’t extend things to her). My guess is that when you’re emotionally close to someone, you are not so self-conscious and more comfortable with self-expression. We’re probably not afraid of being looked upon negatively by the person who we are emotionally close to and as a result, we express both positive and negative emotions more readily than usual.

Then again, shouldn’t we be treating the ones who mean the world to us much better than people whom we don’t know so well? Isn’t it odd that we are more likely to vent our frustration and anger on people who are closer to us? I mean, why do we want to use hurtful words on or look really upset in front of people we care about so much?

While it might not make much logical sense, I guess that’s the way life is. It’s only when you are close enough to someone that you let down your guard and express all your emotions freely and openly. While I do lose my temper much more readily (but I get over it really fast), I too laugh much more readily, engage in small pranks on my wife very often and do all kinds of funny things to cheer her up that I’ll never do in front of other people. I guess it’s a two way street.

I recall hearing a marital advice that prescribes quarrels from time to time. The logic behind it is that couples should let out some steam from time to time. The worry is that one party might just be letting it all build up inside in a bid to have a more ‘harmonious’ relationship so it’s better to play safe and argue from time to time. Well, I guess I don’t need to deliberately create a quarrel with my wife considering that I’m pretty much a tinderbox when I’m with her.

Of course, one might be tempted to reason that too much of arguing can also cause the relationship to fail. Well, I think that will happen only if the couple does nothing other than quarrel all the time. I fight with my wife, but I take her out for good dinners, mop the floors, clean the toilets, iron the clothes and cook and wash the dishes much more often than I fight with her. In fact, I ban her from doing lots of housework because cleaning agents will cause her hands to dry and no woman would want her hands looking like raisins (nobody really cares about how smooth a guy’s hands are). Besides, science has proven men to be physically stronger so I have no excuse not to do housework.

Anyway, I digress. What I’m trying to get at is that a relationship fails not because of constant bickering but rather, there’s nothing solid that undergirds the whole relationship. If there’s a strong emotional bond between two people, both of them will come to realise that the expression of ‘negative’ feelings is part and parcel of a strong relationship (of course, this will be appreciated only AFTER cooling down).

Ok, enough ramblings for now. I would like to wish you a very happy Chinese New Year. And, if you want to come visit me in the hopes of getting an angpow, I’m sorry to disappoint you. I’ve yet to do my tea ceremony so I won’t be giving out angpows. :mrgreen: