The Garden Wedding

It appears to me that different countries have slightly different procedures when it comes to weddings. In Singapore, a wedding is usually divided into 2 parts, namely the solemnisation and the customary.

The solemnisation refers to the legal aspect of the marriage. Under Singapore law, a couple is considered to be legally married only if the couple has undergone the solemnisation. The proceedings of solemnisation is very simple. All the couple needs to do is to exchange vows in front of a licensed solemniser in front of 2 witnesses. The licensed solemniser, the bride and groom as well as the two witnesses will have to sign their names on the marriage certificate. Once the Registry of Marriages receives the signed documents, the marriage will enter the state register and the couple is considered married under the eyes of the law. And, exchange of rings is not necessary, but I think most people do it (we’re doing it too!).

The customary, as the name implies, is the marriage ceremony that adheres to the traditional customs of the bride and groom. For the Chinese, it is typically the tea ceremony and other traditions to be observed according to the dialect group on the chosen auspicious day, in addition to a dinner banquet. For Christians, they typically opt for a church-style wedding. Malays have their own unique customary wedding traditions as well.

However, according to Singapore law, it is illegal to have the customary marriage before the solemnisation. It is a crime that’s punishable by a fine (I’m not sure if there’s jail, but there’s definitely a fine). I suppose this law is in place to prevent any party from being “forced” into a legal marriage by applying pressure through the conduct of the customary first. Perhaps a Singaporean lawyer or law student might want to explain the reason. Whatever it is, one should not reverse the procedure of the solemnisation and the customary.

That being said, from the legal perspective, it is not necessary to have the customary. The law only recognises the solemnisation ceremony as what constitutes marriage. In Singapore, most people appear to place a stronger emphasis on the customary, so the solemnisation usually becomes a very low-key, procedural affair involving just family and close friends that’s best to be done quickly and over with so that the couple can get on with the more festive customary wedding.

For some people, they might do the solemnisation in the morning and then quickly proceed with the customary. For others, there is a time lag between the solemnisation and the customary, typically for a practical reason. In Singapore, applying for new public housing apartments can take up to a couple of years of waiting before the keys are received. Therefore, some couples would do the solemnisation first and the customary a couple of years later, since it is necessary to be legally married in order to be eligible to join the queue to buy a new public housing apartment at a subsidised price.

For us, we want to get our own nest as soon as possible, so we have decided to do the solemnisation now and the customary later. In anycase, it’s difficult for us to do our customary soon because both of us are pursuing graduate studies in the coming 2-3 years. So, our customary will have to wait for a couple of years before we can share the joys of the customary and the dinner banquet (which I estimate will involve anywhere between 600-800 guests, maybe even more) with everyone around us. However, we both feel that solemnisation is also an important event and that the joy should too be shared, at least with our family members and perhaps some good friends. So, the solemnisation is being kept low-key (compared to the banquet), although it’s considered a pretty big event by usual Singaporean standards.

I suppose the difference between the solemnisation and the customary should be pretty clear now. I’m not sure if the Singapore style of marriage strikes anyone as odd, but that’s just the way it is. I’m pretty glad for a 2-3 year interval before I do the customary (I’m sure Peiying’s glad too) because to plan something for 800 odd guests is not something we can do in a few months. And, we have to go dig up what are all the customs that are required to be followed. To complicate matters further, I’m from the Teochew dialect group, and she’s from the Hokkien dialect group, so we have to slowly sort out what customs from whose dialect group is to be followed. That’s a huge can of worms that definitely needs a few years to settle.

Thankfully, the solemnisation requirements are short, sweet and simple.